bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
