So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
