you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You need Xanax blowdarts
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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