so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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