I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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