do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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