Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
