Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize