Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
