wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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