You made me cry and you don't even care
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
