Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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