I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
