Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
