I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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