i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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