Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
