OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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