i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
