The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His nipple licking is glorious
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