Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
