I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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