Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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