You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
