He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
