Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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