Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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