I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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