Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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