Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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