quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
