question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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