You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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