Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So squirting runs in the family.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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