We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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