I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
