There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
