what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
