remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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