I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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