what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
