Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
