yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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