how can u be prego again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
