There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
