is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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