i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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