We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
