so that wasnt chicken after all
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
