Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
