It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We don't watch enough power rangers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
