Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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