Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
