The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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