I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
...so i touched it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
